(via smartcasual-)
(via alld0wnhillfr0mhere)
(Source: partyhardallnightlong, via g0ldblo0d)
(Source: diferentinmyhead, via g0ldblood)
My dad just emailed me this huge list of puns oh my god
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
Broken pencils are pointless.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
The earthquake in Washington obviously was the Government's fault.
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
s’up
Don’t mind me. I’m having my own little “traumatizing everyone but myself” party over here.
I just want to remind you all that this is a thing I actually own.
Remember when Brian stood at the top of the stairs wearing that waiting for me to come out of the toilet just after i had woke up.
Worst wake up ever.
(Source: fuckyeahliveshows, via therewillberain)
